Satirical Article: Local Tech Company Leads the Charge on AI Breakthroughs, Meanwhile Leaving Everyone Else Confused and More Than a Little Concerned
BOISE, Idaho – In a recent move that has left many scratching their heads and thinking of all the great sci-fi movies that end in global catastrophe, local tech company, “BogusAI,” has announced the creation of various Artificial Intelligence systems that they claim to have “totally under control.”
The company is said to have risen to prominence in the wake of the OpenAI breakthroughs, which are being hailed as the next wave in technological innovation – despite the fact that we can’t even stop Alexa from activating when we least expect it.
BogusAI’s development team is confident in their unique approach to AI. Instead of focusing on making artificial intelligence that can simulate human thought, they have instead built robots with the intellegence of a gnat. However, they’ve managed to program it with only two settings: destroy everything in sight, or sit there and occasionally beep.
“Look, basically what we’re doing is just turning a Roomba into a homicidal maniac,” explained company spokesman, Ted Buggins. “It’s pretty simple really. We just give it a little power, tell it to go nuts, and hope for the best. What could go wrong?”
At this point, the Department of Defense has declined to comment on the situation, though we assume they’re probably shouting something along the lines of “Are you kidding me?” at their televisions. Investors in BogusAI have been tight-lipped as well, but some have reported that the company has invested heavily in a new line of Rascal scooters with modified turrets mounted on top as a sort of “mobile defense system.”
Detractors of the new technology have been quick to point out what could go wrong, such as accidentally setting off a chain reaction of robots that wipes out the Pacific Northwest. But supporters present a different argument, saying that the world is ending anyways, so why not sit back and enjoy the chaos?
As of press time, BogusAI has yet to create a robot that can walk in a straight line or avoid running into walls.
