With rumors buzzing around like a swarm of bees, the UK and EU are allegedly close to finalizing a deal next week. It’s said to be a compromise that both sides can agree on, but what could this grand plan actually include?
According to sources close to the negotiations (aka me and my wild imagination), the compromise will consist of an epic game of rock-paper-scissors to determine the fate of Brexit. Both sides will select their champions, with Boris Johnson representing the UK and Emmanuel Macron taking the lead for the EU.
But wait, there’s a twist. Instead of just a simple game, there will be obstacles and challenges along the way to test the skills of each player. Boris will have to navigate a maze filled with obstacles like piles of newspaper and his own unruly hair, while Macron will have to successfully complete a juggling act while reciting the names of all EU member states.
As for the actual game of rock-paper-scissors, it will be best out of seven, with each win determining a specific aspect of the final agreement. For example, if Boris wins the first round, he gets to keep his prized collection of garden gnomes. But if Macron wins the second round, the UK will have to agree to let France borrow the Crown Jewels for a month.
The agreement will also include a bizarre provision that allows France to take custody of Piers Morgan for the entirety of 2021, while the UK gets to keep James Corden for the same amount of time. It’s unclear what either side plans to do with their respective hostages, but it’s rumored that the UK plans to subject Corden to an intensive tea-drinking course, while France wants to teach Morgan proper cheese etiquette.
While this proposed agreement may seem far-fetched, it’s just as viable as any other idea that’s been thrown around in the Brexit debacle. And who wouldn’t want to see Boris Johnson and Emmanuel Macron battle it out in an obstacle course of absurdity for the fate of their countries?
Let’s just hope they both have their lucky socks on.
