Global Craze for “Gollagen” Linked to Fake Fantasy World
Move over, collagen – there’s a new protein in town that’s promising to turn back the clock and make us look younger than ever. Introducing “gollagen” – the magical protein that’s taking the beauty industry by storm.
According to experts, gollagen is a long-lost protein that was recently discovered in a mystical fantasy world. It’s said to be the key to eternal youth, and beauty brands are falling over themselves to get their hands on it.
But there’s just one problem – the fantasy world doesn’t actually exist. It turns out that gollagen is a complete scam, dreamed up by cheeky beauty marketers who want to cash in on our fears of aging.
To make matters worse, the production of gollagen is wreaking havoc on the environment. In order to extract the protein, beauty companies are clear-cutting vast swaths of imaginary forests, destroying crucial habitats for made-up species of animals.
“We had no idea that this would happen,” said the CEO of one gollagen-producing company, who we’ll call “Mark Fuckerberg” for legal reasons. “We thought it was just a harmless bit of fun, like those ‘unicorns are real’ T-shirts. We had no idea that people would actually believe it.”
Despite the uproar, gollagen shows no signs of slowing down. In fact, some beauty influencers are claiming that it’s even better than regular collagen, thanks to its magical properties.
“Do I look younger? You betcha,” says one influencer, who we’ll call “Kim Kartrick” (again, for legal reasons). “But more importantly, I feel like a kid again. The power of gollagen is truly astounding.”
Only time will tell whether gollagen will go the way of other beauty fads (remember snail slime?), or if it’ll become a permanent fixture in the industry. In the meantime, we suggest sticking with good old-fashioned collagen – or better yet, embracing your wrinkles as a sign of a life well-lived.
