Faux Automotive reports wholesale used vehicle prices skyrocketed by 4.3% in February, leaving the whole car industry puzzled and quaking in their boots. This unprecedented surge is the highest it’s been since the era of mullets and flip phones.
Industry experts were left scratching their heads, wondering how such a ridiculous increase occurred. Jesus Juarez, a spokesperson for Faux Automotive, stated, “It’s like the whole world has gone mad! I mean, who on earth would pay that much for a car that’s already been driven around the block a few times?”
Concerns have been raised about the potential knock-on effect of this anomaly. Will dealerships suddenly be rolling in cash like Scrooge McDuck? Will people start using their second mortgages to stockpile used cars?
Rumors are circulating that the only person unaffected by this price surge is a shrewd businessman named Bob McDougall, who has stockpiled all of his used cars for the last 15 years intending to make a killing on this precise moment.
The car industry is bracing itself for the next report from Faux Automotive, wondering if the prices will come plummeting back down or continue to rise uncontrollably. Until then, car dealerships across the nation are advising people to take up cycling or walking instead, as it seems that buying cars is becoming a truly ludicrous notion.
