In a stunning display of laziness, the Bureau of Investigation (BOI) recently decided to skip the tedious process of obtaining a warrant and instead opted to purchase sensitive data from a sketchy online vendor named “Data Dave.”
Privacy advocates are up in arms over the blatant disregard for legal procedures, but BOI spokesperson Bob Johnson defended the decision, stating, “We were just feeling a bit lazy that day and didn’t want to bother with all the paperwork. Plus, Data Dave had a really good deal on information about our suspects’ pizza topping preferences.”
According to sources close to the situation, Data Dave’s data was far from reliable, and even included a list of suspects who prefer pineapple on their pizza (gasp!).
When confronted about the questionable accuracy of the information, Johnson brushed it off, saying, “Hey, we were just looking for a laugh. You should have seen the look on the suspect’s face when we asked him about his love of anchovies.”
Though the BOI’s decision may be controversial, it’s hard to deny the hilarity of the situation. As one amused bystander put it, “I mean, who needs a warrant when you’ve got a guy named Data Dave selling you sensitive intel? It’s like something out of a bad spy movie.”
Only time will tell if the BOI will continue down this questionable path, but in the meantime, we can all rest easy knowing that there are still some government agencies out there brave enough to take the easy way out.
