In a shocking turn of events, the UK government has implemented new legislation aimed at reducing the number of people crossing the Channel. The hilariously named “Channel Crossing Cut Down Act” intends to prevent illegal crossings and reduce the burden on the UK’s border control agencies.
But who will be affected by this new law? Only time will tell if smugglers like Barry “The Boatman” will be stymied in their attempts to sneak people across, or if Greg “The Grappler” will have to find new ways to transport his human cargo.
We reached out to immigrant rights activists, but unfortunately, they were all too busy trying to cut their way through the new red tape. Even the spokesperson for the Department of Homeland Security, Stanley, declined to comment, citing that he had “Gone Fishin’.”
Meanwhile, the new law has inspired a group of protesters to take to the streets. The group, calling themselves “Channel Hoppers Anonymous,” has begun offering guided tours of the channel complete with free life jackets and instruction on when to jump overboard in case of police boats.
In the end, it remains to be seen whether the Channel Crossing Cut Down Act will have any real impact or if it will just be another laughable addition to the government’s never-ending list of failed policies.
