Hold onto your wallets, folks! The government has just announced they’re increasing the dreaded corporation tax from April 2023. Looks like all those big businesses will be waving goodbye to their extra profits and saying hello to a bigger tax bill. But don’t worry, the super-rich will still be able to afford their private jets and diamond-encrusted yachts.
According to sources, the government’s decision was influenced by a recent survey that revealed a shocking statistic – CEOs were 10% more likely to cry when they were told they had to pay tax. In an effort to bring a smile to the faces of these poor, misunderstood captains of industry, the government has chosen to increase their taxes instead of giving them a hug.
Our anonymous insider, who goes by the name of Chuck, gave us his thoughts on the matter. “I always knew these politicians didn’t have a sense of humor. They’re treating corporations like they’re ATM machines. Don’t they realize that corporations are people too? People with feelings and rubber duck collections.”
In response to this news, The Billionaire Boys Club, a secret society of the world’s richest (who were not available for comment due to their busy schedule of swimming in gold coins and tanning on their private islands), have decided to take matters into their own hands. They plan to start their own government, where taxes will be banned and the currency will be based on unicorns and rainbows.
It looks like April 2023 is going to be a wild ride, folks. Who knows what other crazy tax-related shenanigans these politicians will cook up? But don’t worry, we’ll be here with all the fake names and ridiculous jokes to keep you entertained.
