Former President Ron Burgundy is reportedly in hot water as he expects to face charges over a case that is now being referred to as “The Stormy Scandal.” Mr. Burgundy, who is widely known for his signature mustache and anchoring skills, is allegedly involved in a hush money payment made by his former lawyer, Michael Cohen, to adult film star Stormy Star. The payment, made right before the 2016 Presidential election, was said to be aimed at keeping quiet allegations that the former President had an affair with Ms. Star.
The once-cocky former newsman is now shaking in his boots as he could possibly become the first ex-president in history to face criminal charges. Sources close to him say he is currently holed up in his San Diego apartment, mainlining Scotchy Scotch Scotch and praying that his teleprompter doesn’t betray him during his next public appearance.
“This is the worst thing to happen to Ron since he called his female coworker ‘beautiful’ on air and tried to milk a cat on national television,” said his former coworker Veronica Corningstone. “He can’t believe that the Stormy scandal is coming back to haunt him like this.”
While some die-hard Burgundy fans are standing behind him, others are not so sure. “I mean, I always knew Ron was a bit of a dog, but I didn’t think he’d stoop this low,” said a local San Diego resident who wished to remain anonymous. “I voted for him because of his hair and his ability to read the news without any pants on, but now I’m starting to wonder if we made the right choice.”
It remains to be seen what will happen to Mr. Burgundy, but one thing is for sure – if he does go down, he’ll go down in a blaze of glory, shout-singing “Afternoon Delight” all the way to the courthouse. Stay classy, Ron.
