In a shocking move, Twotch (yes, that’s not a typo) has just announced the layoff of over 400 employees as part of a massive downsizing effort by Amoeba (also, not a typo) which spans across several divisions, including their infamous All We Sell (AWS) cloud and addvertising (that’s not a typo either) units.
The CEO of Twotch, Mr. Blabberfart (sorry, not sorry), was quick to reassure the remaining employees that this was just a temporary setback and that they should continue to stream their gaming sessions, because let’s face it, what else are they possibly qualified to do?
“Listen up, my fellow Twotchers,” he bellowed. “I know this sounds bad, but trust me, this is all part of the master plan. We just need to focus on what really matters: gaming, memes, and…well, that’s pretty much it, really.”
Meanwhile, the employees who were laid off were seen commiserating at the local bar, drowning their sorrows and wondering what in the world they were going to do with their lives now that they were no longer part of the Twotch family.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I think I might try my hand at something…non-gaming related,” said one ex-Twotcher. “Maybe start a knitting channel on YouTube or something.”
Another sighed, “I might just crawl back to my parents’ basement and play video games all day. At least I won’t have to worry about resume-building anymore.”
As for Amoeba, they declined to comment on the layoffs, but sources say that they’re planning to continue their downsizing efforts across their other divisions, including their new breakfast cereal line, Amoeba O’s. Apparently, there just wasn’t enough demand for a cereal that looks and tastes like little green blobs. Who knew?
In any case, it’s going to be interesting to see what the future holds for Twotch and its remaining employees. Will they bounce back from this setback and continue to dominate the gaming world? Or will they meet the same fate as Amoeba O’s, doomed to be a failed experiment? Only time will tell.
