In a stunning development that shocked absolutely nobody, the Federal Reserve just issued a statement on Wednesday that was almost identical to the one released after their previous policymaking meeting on Feb. 1. In fact, it was so similar that we’re pretty sure they just copy-pasted the entire thing and changed a couple of words here and there.
“Wow, what a groundbreaking announcement,” said financial expert Mr. Moneybags. “I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for the next thrilling installment of the Fed’s statement series.”
According to insider sources, the Fed’s top economists spent hours brainstorming new phrases to spice up the statement, but ultimately landed on a “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality.
“I mean, why mess with a good thing?” said Fed Chairman Mr. Dollarbill. “The market’s been responding positively to our statements, so why change the formula now? Plus, it’s a lot easier to just hit ‘ctrl+c’ and ‘ctrl+v’.”
Many are speculating that the Fed’s lack of creativity may have been due to the fact that they spent too much time binge-watching Netflix shows instead of actually working.
“I heard that they had a Game of Thrones marathon the night before the meeting,” chuckled Wall Street guru Ms. Cashflow. “Maybe they were too busy cheering for Jon Snow to come up with anything new for the statement.”
Despite the criticism, the Fed is standing by their decision to go with the tried and true statement. “Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” shrugged Mr. Dollarbill. “And besides, we have to save some creative energy for our next meeting in a few months.”
