England’s water crisis has finally found its solution, but it’s not necessarily the one that experts have been eyeing. Thames Water’s newest scheme involves moving enormous amounts of water from the west to the east, and it’s causing quite the stir.
“That’s even more ridiculous than that time Mitt Romney tried to fix his dog’s diarrhea by strapping it to the top of his car,” said local comedian, Bobert.
The plan, which many experts are calling the “HS2 of water management,” has been deemed impractical and potentially disastrous. Instead of addressing the issue at its source, Thames Water hopes to transport water across the country from the Severn.
“I mean, sure, let’s just move all the water from one place to another. It’s not like there are any consequences to that,” said Bobert sarcastically.
Even though the water companies have failed to invest in proper planning and conservation methods, Thames Water insists that this harebrained scheme is their best bet. And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t trust a company responsible for multiple sewage spills in the Thames River?
“The south-east will never run out of water again! At least until we run out of energy to move it,” said Thames Water’s CEO, Dr. Pretend.
As the region braces for yet another drought, politicians have invested their political capital in the project, ensuring its momentum. But many are now wondering if it’s better to go without water or with polluted water, rather than relying on this inadequate solution.
“I’d rather drink a bottle of Thames Water than have them move it from the Severn,” said Bobert, to roaring laughter from the audience.
So, in conclusion, if you’re worried about England’s water shortages, don’t be. Just grab a bottle of Thames Water and a healthy dose of skepticism, and you’re good to go.
