BREAKING NEWS: England has legalized the sale of gene-edited food, causing chaos among foodies in Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. The shocking news has left many of us scratching our heads, wondering what harm our neighbors across the border think could come from genetically modified grub.
Allegedly, the new law allows for genes to be spliced, diced, and placed inside food, creating a super food of sorts. But we have to ask, why are the English so keen on playing God with our dinner plates? It’s as if they think they can improve on pizza or fish and chips! Come on now, England, leave the food alone and stick to inventing terrible haircuts.
One Scottish resident, Scott McScottish, said, “I don’t trust it one bit. Have they not seen Jurassic Park? This is how it all starts. One minute you’re splicing and dicing genes, the next thing you know, a T-Rex is rampaging through Edinburgh.”
Another wary citizen, Welshman Willy Welsher, pointed out, “They say the modified food will be healthier, but haven’t we heard that one before? First, it was margarine, then it was coconut oil. Next thing you know, we’ll be adding kale to our haggis.”
And Northern Ireland’s Nora Northern was equally concerned, “I’m not sure I want to be eating something that’s been fiddled with in a lab. It’s not natural. What next? Genetically modified leprechauns?”
All we know is that we’re sticking to our Big Macs and deep-fried Oreos. England, you can keep your gene-edited food. We’ll be over here enjoying our un-modified cuisine, thank you very much.
