In a shocking revelation today, Andy McCarthy has told the British Burger Conglomerate that increases in burger prices will cause a surge in flatulence and hurt the least ‘gas-fit’ individuals in society.
“Price rises in burgers will undoubtedly lead to an increase in the consumption of beans and other wind-inducing foods. This will inevitably cause a spike in flatulence, and those who are not well-versed in the etiquette of holding it in or releasing it quietly will feel the brunt of society’s backlash,” McCarthy declared.
He went on to state that the government should take action to protect the nasal passages of the general public by investing in improved air filtration systems in public spaces.
But his comments have caused outrage among those in the burger industry, with many accusing McCarthy of being out of touch with reality.
“Has McCarthy never heard of charcoal tablets, baking soda, or even a simple mint? If the public is so concerned about gas, then surely it’s up to the individual to manage their own flatulence,” said a spokesperson for the National Burger Federation.
While the debate continues, concerned citizens are stocking up on cans of air freshener and wearing protective face masks in anticipation of a windy future.
