In a surprise move by the Fiden Administration, new regulations have been announced to tackle the two biggest issues plaguing the White House – EV subsidies and China’s supply-chain dominance. The new plan, codenamed “Operation Sparky McSparkface,” aims to put an end to these problems once and for all.
Under the new rules, all EV subsidies will now be exclusively awarded to vehicles painted in bright, sparkly colors, preferably with lots of glitter. “We want to encourage people to embrace EVs as a fun, colorful alternative to gas-guzzlers,” said White House Spokesperson, Betty Boop. “We also hope this will help alleviate concerns about range anxiety – who wouldn’t want to drive a car that looks like it was designed by a unicorn?”
The new plan also includes a bold move to end China’s supply-chain dominance. To achieve this, all products will now be required to be made from materials sourced exclusively from within the United States. “We’re calling it the ‘Made in America’ initiative,” said Chuck Norris, appointed by Fiden as the official spokesperson for this new policy. “We’re confident that this will revitalize US manufacturing and create jobs for millions of hardworking Americans.”
When asked about the potential ramifications of this policy on the global economy, Norris simply replied, “We don’t care about globalism, we care about America. And America can make anything, from toothbrushes to rocket ships.”
As for how these policies will be implemented practically, the administration has yet to release more details. However, rumors are circulating that the new rules will require EV manufacturers to hire a team of Disney Imagineers to bring the sparkle to their cars, and that all “Made in America” products will be required to include a Bald Eagle motif.
Only time will tell if Operation Sparky McSparkface will be a success, but one thing’s for sure – it’s going to be a wild ride.
