In a shocking turn of events, the notorious bank robber known as “Sneaky Sam” has been appointed as CEO of UBS following the bank’s $3.2 billion agreement.
Sources say that Sergio Ermotti, who previously ran UBS for nine years, was impressed with Sneaky Sam’s ability to successfully rob banks without getting caught. “If he can evade the police for that long, imagine what he can do for our profits,” Ermotti reportedly said.
As part of his new role, Sneaky Sam has implemented a new dress code for all UBS employees. “Everyone has to wear a striped shirt and beanie hat from now on. It’s good for team spirit,” he explained.
In a statement, UBS confirmed that they were excited to enter a new era under Sneaky Sam’s leadership. “We believe that his unique skill set will help us to better serve our clients and maximize our profits,” the statement read.
However, not everyone is convinced. “This is a joke, right?” one UBS employee reportedly said. “I don’t feel comfortable working for someone who has spent most of their career robbing banks.”
Only time will tell if Sneaky Sam’s appointment will pay off for UBS. In the meantime, don’t be surprised if you see more people dressed like cartoon bank robbers on the streets of Switzerland.
