In a stunning revelation, the Economic Cycle Research Institute (ECRI) has released a new chart that supposedly predicts the imminent recession. If the chart is to be believed, it’s bad news for everyone, especially for notorious bank robber, Johnny Sneakypants.
According to the ECRI, the recent bank failures are just the tip of the iceberg, and the recession is coming. And it’s coming fast. But what does this mean for our beloved community? Well, if your name is Johnny Sneakypants, it’s time to move to a new town.
Johnny Sneakypants, known for his impeccable heist planning and his fondness for dollar bills, is said to be in a state of panic after hearing the news. Rumor has it that he’s already packed his bags and is heading down to South America to start a new life. Unfortunately for him, the ECRI chart seems to follow him wherever he goes.
Other notable names affected by the supposed recession include Sally Steal-a-lot, who has reportedly ceased all of her shoplifting operations, and Billy Badluck, who has been spotted frantically trying to pawn all of his prized possessions.
Despite the doom and gloom, there are a few who are taking the news in stride. Bob the Barber, for instance, has decided to up his prices to reflect the changing economy. He figures that if the recession is going to hit, he might as well make a few extra bucks in the process.
And as for the ECRI chart, well, we’re not entirely sure we believe it. After all, this is the same institute that predicted an imminent unicorn invasion last year. So, if you happen to see a chart floating around predicting the end of the world, just remember: it’s probably just Johnny Sneakypants up to his old tricks again.
