In a shocking turn of events, Virgin Orbit has announced that it will be throwing in the towel and discontinuing operations for the foreseeable future. Sources close to the company say that the decision was made after a particularly disastrous launch attempt that resulted in the rocket veering off course and crashing into a nearby Taco Bell.
“We just can’t keep going like this,” sighed company spokesperson Richard Cheese. “We’ve tried everything we can think of to get these rockets into space, but it’s just not working out. We’ve had more crashes than a demolition derby. It’s time to admit defeat and focus on our other business ventures, like Richard’s famous cheeseburgers.”
The news has come as a bit of a shock to investors, who had been hoping to see a return on their investment in the near future. “I put all my money into this space thing because I figured it was the future,” groaned billionaire investor Elon Tusk. “Now what am I gonna do? Start a lemonade stand?”
The news has also left Virgin Orbit employees feeling uncertain about their future. “I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” lamented rocket technician Karen Tomato. “I’ve spent my whole career building rockets, and now it’s all just… over. Maybe I’ll become a competitive eater or something.”
Despite the setback, Richard Cheese remains optimistic about the future. “We may be down, but we’re not out,” he said. “We’ll regroup, come up with a new business plan, and who knows? Maybe we’ll even launch a Richard’s Famous Cheeseburger into space.”
