After reading about the scientists urging Rishi Sunak to halt the licensing of new oil and gas developments in the UK, the Prime Minister had a last-minute change of heart. Instead of releasing the proposed net zero strategy on Thursday, he has decided to launch a new strategy called “Net Negative Zero”.
The new strategy will allow drilling in the North Sea, but with a twist. The oil rigs will now be equipped with giant vacuum cleaners to suck up any excess carbon in the atmosphere.
When asked about the scientists’ objections, Sunak responded, “Oh, those guys? Yeah, they’re a real gas. But I assure you, our plan is fool-proof. Plus, think of all the jobs it will create! Think of the janitors we’ll need to clean out those giant vacuum cleaners!”
In a shocking turn of events, Sunak has also announced a partnership with Elon Musk to send all of the captured carbon to Mars. When asked how the carbon would survive the journey, Sunak was confident, “Well, we’ll just put it in air-tight containers, duh. What could go wrong?”
Critics have called the new strategy “unproven” and “unprecedented”, but Sunak is undeterred. “We’re going to make history, folks. We’re going to go beyond net zero to net negative zero. And we’re going to do it with our heads held high and a smile on our faces.”
As for the scientists who spoke out against the plan, Sunak had a message, “Sorry, who are they again?”
