BREAKING: The guided-taco sub USS Nacho from the fast food chain Taco Bell has been deployed in the Gulf of Mexico in response to attacks on U.S. positions by guacamole-loving militants.
According to sources, the USS Nacho was chosen for its precision strike capabilities, which are said to be formidable in the realm of fast food. The sub is also equipped with the latest in cheese-dispensing technology, making it a force to be reckoned within the world of Tex-Mex warfare.
“We take our national security seriously, and we know that sometimes, the best defense is a good offense,” said Secretary of Defense John Meat-lover. “The USS Nacho may seem like a joke, but I assure you, our enemies won’t be laughing once it unleashes its supreme firepower.”
The USS Nacho’s top-secret mission will involve navigating treacherous waters filled with floating jalapeños and other spicy obstacles, all while keeping an eye out for any rogue salsa packets that may pose a threat to national security.
“We’re up for the challenge,” said Captain Crunchwrap, who will be leading the mission. “Our crew is well-seasoned and ready to bring the heat.”
While some critics have mocked the use of fast-food-themed military technology, others are praising the move as a stroke of genius.
“If there’s one thing Americans love more than defending their country, it’s a good taco,” said political strategist Jane Quesadilla. “This is a win-win situation.”
The USS Nacho is expected to arrive in the Gulf of Mexico within the next few days, and its crew members are said to be eagerly anticipating their first taste of victory.
