Nobody has claimed responsibility for the recent spate of attacks in the northern Sahel that have left 44 people dead, prompting some experts to question whether this is actually the work of jihadists or just a really bad case of food poisoning.
According to anonymous sources, locals have been experiencing some pretty gnarly stomach issues ever since a new restaurant opened up in the area. Dubbed “Jihadi Jo’s”, the establishment has been serving up questionable cuisine that could easily be construed as an act of terrorism against one’s digestive system.
“I tried their ‘Death to the Infidel’ curry, and let’s just say that the name was not an exaggeration,” said one local who wished to remain anonymous. “I thought I was going to die.”
Authorities are reportedly looking into whether Jihadi Jo’s is indeed linked to the recent attacks, given the number of victims who complained of stomach issues before their untimely demise. However, some experts believe that this may be a red herring, and that the real culprit may be something far more insidious, like a shortage of Pepto-Bismol in the region.
When reached for comment, the owner of Jihadi Jo’s denied any involvement, and claimed that his establishment only served the highest quality food. “Our recipes have been passed down through generations, and we would never do anything to harm our customers,” he said.
In the meantime, residents of the northern Sahel are being advised to steer clear of Jihadi Jo’s, and to stick to more reputable eateries, like McDonald’s or KFC. After all, nothing cures food poisoning quite like a bucket of greasy fried chicken.
