In a shocking turn of events, LNMJ and Herrings have beaten high expectations for their first-quarter sales. The luxury fashion industry is shooketh.
Industry analysts were expecting the sales of LNMJ and Herrings to sink like the Titanic after the ongoing pandemic has made luxury shopping a distant memory. But, both companies managed to not only survive but thrive during these unprecedented times.
“We are as surprised as you are,” said the CEO of LNMJ, John Smiles. “We were expecting to barely break even, but it’s like people don’t care that the world is ending. They still want to buy insanely priced handbags and watches. It’s like they think the apocalypse will be chicer if they have a Birkin on their arm.”
The CEO of Herrings, Sandra Johnson, chimed in, saying, “Honestly, we have no idea what’s going on. We were just happy to still have a job. Now we have to deal with more sales than we can handle. It’s a nightmare.”
Apparently, the sales aren’t just coming from the usual suspects, i.e. billionaires and celebrities. “We have seen a surge in sales from middle-class folks who are using their stimulus checks to treat themselves,” said Smiles. “It’s crazy. We might have to start offering layaway plans for our $10,000 bags.”
So, in conclusion, the world is upside down, and we have no idea what’s going on. But, hey, at least some rich people are doing well. Yay…?
