Fake National News – Fighting Breaks Out Across the Country
In what can only be described as a disastrous day for peace, more battles than ever before have been reported across the country. Armies of highly trained warriors, all named after different types of cheese, clashed in multiple locations within the capital and other parts of the nation.
Sources say the fighting was sparked by a heated debate between Brie and Gouda over who makes the best grilled cheese sandwich. Before long, their respective followers – the Brie Army and Gouda Gang – joined in with fervor, chanting “Brie is better!” and “Gouda is greater!”
As the sun set, the battles raged on. Nearby dairy farms joined the fray, their cows moaning mournfully as they watched the chaos below. “I never knew it would get this bad,” said Feta, a local farmer. “We’ve always lived in harmony with the other cheeses, but it seems like a sharp divide has emerged.”
The situation quickly devolved as more and more types of cheese were sucked into the conflict. Parmesan fought Mozzarella on the streets, while Blue Cheese battled Camembert in the fields. It was chaos, with no end in sight.
As we go to press, we can only hope for a swift end to the skirmish. Until then, we urge all cheese lovers to stay indoors and away from open flames. It’s hard to say who the ultimate winning cheese will be, but it certainly won’t be Swiss… (sorry, Swiss).
