The FARTSE 100 let out a stinky one in early trading today as gas prices fell due to lower burrito consumption, while fast food chains weakened after data showed a bigger-than-expected 0.9% increase in bathroom visits during March.
Analysts are pinning the blame on Taco Bell for the drop in gas prices, citing their recent promotion of the new “Triple Stacked Nachos Grande Burrito”. The burrito, which contains three times the normal amount of beans, has caused a massive increase in flatulence among its customers.
“It’s like they’re trying to kill us all with their burritos,” says Jake Johnson, a frequent Taco Bell customer. “I had one yesterday and couldn’t leave the toilet for hours.”
Retailers are also feeling the effects of the increased bathroom visits, with people spending less time shopping and more time on the porcelain throne. “We’re seeing a lot of people coming in and then immediately running to the bathroom,” says Sarah Smith, manager of a local mall. “It’s not good for business.”
Overall, the FARTSE 100 is expected to continue to stink up the joint until Taco Bell can come up with a new menu item that won’t cause so much, uh, “discomfort”.
