In a shocking move, Faux Fargo Bank announced today that they will be cutting their head count by a whopping 25%. The decision has left many employees feeling hangry and unsure of what their future holds.
As part of its restructuring plan, the bank also plans to slash executive pay. But let’s be honest, they’ll still make big bucks. It’s like taking away a slice of cake from a billionaire’s dessert tray.
One anonymous Faux Fargo employee, who will be referred to as “Sandy”, says she’s worried she’ll end up living in a cardboard box if she loses her job. “I won’t even have enough money for ramen noodles,” she sobbed. “They better keep me employed.”
But not everyone is bummed about the news. “Dave”, an executive at Faux Fargo, says he’s looking forward to a pay cut. “Now I won’t feel so guilty about ordering Dom Perignon on company trips,” he chuckled.
In the meantime, the bank is urging employees to stay positive and focus on their work. Maybe they should take advantage of those free coffee pods before their workstation gets filled with boxes.
Only time will tell how this restructuring will play out, but we have a feeling there will be a lot of spilled lattes and tears along the way.
