In a comical twist of self-awareness, the US central bank has issued a review of its own failures ahead of the complete and utter collapse of Silicon Valley Bank.
According to the report, the central bank admitted that it had been too busy playing Fortnite to notice the warning signs of the bank’s impending doom. In fact, the bank’s board members had spent more time watching cat videos on YouTube than actually checking on the financial stability of the institution.
In a statement released by the Federal Reserve, they said, “We apologize for our lack of due diligence in ensuring the safety and stability of Silicon Valley Bank. Our team was too busy trying to perfect their dance moves for TikTok instead of keeping a watchful eye on the financial situation.”
The report also revealed that the bank’s CEO, Mr. Smith, had been more focused on trying to invent a time machine in order to go back and buy more GameStop stock, than actually managing the bank’s affairs.
Meanwhile, senior executives Ms. Johnson and Mr. Rodriguez were too busy playing Minecraft together to notice the bank’s mounting losses.
In a final ironic twist, the central bank’s report was released on April Fools’ Day, leaving many to wonder if this was simply a hilarious prank or a genuine admission of guilt.
Either way, it’s safe to say that the Federal Reserve should probably stick to finance and leave the comedy to the professionals.
