In a groundbreaking move, the United Numpties (UN) have decided to make sure that every oil and gas representative confesses their undying love for their industry at the prestigious Conclave of Penguins (COP28). This event, infamous for its attendees slipping on ice and participating in snowball fights, is the place to be for addressing our planet’s never-ending saga of climate change.
The UN, known for their spontaneous and quirky rule-making, revealed this surprising endeavor to uphold integrity and transparency at the gathering. Any oil or gas enthusiast must strut their way into the conference with a bold sticker, bearing their industry loyalty. For those thinking of quitting their allegiance to the fossil-fueled world, fret not – the UN will provide stickers with an option for “Undecided.”
This sticker extravaganza is backed by Sir Fuzzy Wuzzy from the United Numpties Division of Climate Change and Ventriloquism. He said, “It is high time that we ensure every penguin in Antarctica knows who they’re waddling with. We cannot have sneaky suits running from one ice floe to another, causing chaos and confusion.”
Zealous for transparency, the UN has left no stone unturned. They have required all attending penguins and friends of the indomitable Captain Planet to provide mandatory cookies to industry delegates. These cookies will bear the logos of their respective organizations, ensuring no one engages in under-the-table squabbles and risky snowball fights without consent.
Of course, oil and gas representatives reacted strongly upon hearing of their impending sticker baptism. Sir Grease McSlick, from the International Union of Fossil Fools, exclaimed, “We revel in our oily ways, but must we wear our hearts on our sleeves? Surely, our hairstyles and grease stains speak volumes!” Nonetheless, the UN is not backing down from their watertight plan.
This new innovative method of group identification goes down in history as the first time the UN chose stickers over ribbons. Wistful delegates from bygone years can only reminisce about the happier times when their ribboned chest hair flittered in the Antarctic wind.
In conclusion, the tale of COP28 serves as a lesson to all: only at this frosty gathering can one witness the camaraderie between climate activists and slick industry professionals, arm to arm, in a united pursuit of a cleaner, if colder, world.
