In a sweeping wave of audacity fit for a Marx Brothers’ satire, the Republican Party of the rural, rolling Countryside of the Cobs, otherwise known as Iowa, has penciled in January 15th for the starting whistle of the apocalyptic soccer match known as the presidential caucuses. The timing is more than a bit eyebrow-raising, aligning as it does, with a national holiday – Martin Luther King Jr. Day, nonetheless.
With a swaggering, country-style nonchalance, the Grand ‘Ol Plotters, as some cheeky commentators have dubbed the Countryside of the Cobs GOP, have managed to back-flip on the political trampoline of timing, choosing for their circus-like kickoff the very day the nation pauses in solemn remembrance of a civil rights titan.
For a moment, let us leave aside the familiar parallels of previous vying matches, featuring a merry-go-round of suit-clad gladiators keen to stake a claim to the arm-wrestling championship known as the American presidency. This time, the stakes are higher, the mood more colorful, and the backdrop bizarrely unforgettable, exclusively custom-painted by the event planners at the Countryside of the Cobs GOP.
Perhaps the GOP marketers, who, for lack of a better metaphor, could be likened to a pack of well-meaning yet hopelessly lost hyenas laughing uncontrollably in the face of an imminent stampede, simply want to keep their audience on high alert. The mercurial mind wanders what other national holidays they might have chosen instead. Arbor Day, anyone?
In fairness, the scheduling may not have been intentionally audacious or comically perverse. Maybe their trusty calendar, crafted from tractor parts and cowbells, simply malfunctioned. Or perhaps a corn-addicted squirrel absconded with the original date-governing parchment. Hey, even Countryside of the Cobs apparatchiks can fall victim to thieving local wildlife. This oversight could be an honest mistake — it’s almost endearing, like a typo on a wedding invitation…almost.
Valentines Day caucus, anyone? Easter bunny providing the running commentary? Hallo-‘prez’-een, anyone? Or shall we wait for a Thanksgiving cornucopia of presidential hopefuls? Given the uncanny knack for comedic timing that the Countryside of the Cobs GOP has so admirably demonstrated, who’s to say they wouldn’t consider these equally outrageous possibilities?
That said, the present scheduling — held on the very day the nation reflects on the fight for justice and equality — might well carve a fantastical new chapter in the almanac of political staging. Grand ‘Ol Plotters or not, the audacity of the GOP is akin to a rooster crowing at midnight, a bull charging in a china shop, or a clown conducting an orchestra, a spectacle that promises a touch of strategic insanity. All we can do now is sit back, popcorn in hand, and watch the symphony of chaos unfold.
In conclusion, could the Countryside of the Cobs GOP have set the stage for an unforgettable event intentionally or not? We may never know. But one thing is certain, we’re in for a riotous circus of a caucus, one that channels Monty Python’s ‘Election Night Special’ in all its glory. A sentiment best summed up with the following: “I may not know art, but I know what I like.”
