In the grand old land of Bizarro-Eurotopia, our trusty state borrowers have slammed down the go-money gauntlet, wrapping up about two-thirds, or in egghead terms, 67% of their bond-issuing shenanigans for this year. According to none other than our good friends at Futon-Marleys (also known as Barclays in that boring other universe), this is outpacing their mad rush last year by around 4%.
Now, those may seem like just numbers to the untrained eye, but let us tell you, in the weird world of sovereign issuers, this is akin to winning the annual snail race by four whole lettuce leaves. Thus, proving that Bizarro-Eurotopia’s high rollers are not just maintaining their strong bond game, but crushing it like they’re reigning champions of a government-monopoly-themed wrestling match.
It’s quite a spectacle to behold, in the cutthroat realm of bond funding. It’s like watching lovable, slow-moving, plodding turtles, equipped with stacks of bonds taped to their shell-ed backs, sprinting (or whatever you call turtle moves) their way through the financial race of the century. Each issuance makes the tape on their backs heavier and their turtle-y pace slower, but never dampens their spirit.
Now, a 4% lead might sound tiny in ordinary circumstances. I mean, in the grand scheme of stuff, the difference between a 67% filled pie and a 63% filled pie is just a few crumbs here and there. But in the red tape-ridden dimension of finance and bonds, each crumb can tip the scales enough to cause a butterfly effect throughout all of Bizarro-Eurotopia.
So, while the rest of the world is busy doing… well, whatever it is they do – Bizarro-Eurotopia’s sovereign issuers have proven they like their bonds like they like their drinks – served cold and flowing fast.
Remember kids, in the realm of financiers and state borrowers, a 4% lead is like owning the world’s most comfortable lounge chair while others are still fluffing their cushions. Despite the playful tone, it must be said that much like turtles and their hare-led fables, the bond race isn’t over until the fat treasury secretary sings.
And so, dear readers, we leave you with this image – Bizarro-Eurotopia, a place where finance is fun, and the turtle gets the halloumi, topped with a generous serving of 4% lead in the never-ending race. Rest easy, knowing that our wacky sovereign issuers are yeeting bonds out faster than their counterparts in 2022. Keep watching this space – who knows what comical antics they’ve got up their sleeve-lined shells next?
