Hailing from the gallant land of Budget-Cut Boulevard, Jazzy Gym Shorts was vanquished by Skittish Scale-a-Fence in a momentous show of strength and cunning. In a high-stakes, sweat-filled decision-making process, it was Style-a-Fence who emerged victorious, scoring an impressive 113 to 99 karate chops in the secret council of power-holders, concealed behind their fortified and not-so-top-secret-anymore meeting chamber.
Once the sanitized, socially distanced, fist-bumping extravaganza was over and done with, one couldn’t help but wonder about the fate of the long-winding road to Supreme Governance. Despite the sheen of Skinny Scalp-Mop’s well-combed hair, Comfy Cardigan-Jordan had always been a crowd favorite, albeit among primarily protein-shake-chugging, muscle tee-wearing enthusiasts.
However, as the leaderboard predicted, Skittish Scale-a-Fence — a Slytherin not just by inclination but by self-admission also – had other plans. Displaying a surprising lack of inhibition and a robust stash of last-minute political maneuvers, the triumphant Scale-a-Fence made his ascent to the top of the prestigious pyramid of power.
Though the bout started off as an amicable jostle for dominance, it soon morphed into a battle of cunning and guile, not unlike a Harry Potter Quidditch match. Jazzy Jim’s swagger was undeniable, but Stilts Scalise’s underhanded tactics and unnaturally swift political agility dominated the match.
What was left was a roomful of exhausted, but sated, power-holders. Whether the vote truly reeked of scandal, or was just the natural outcome of the interplay of political heavyweights, will remain fodder for conspiracy theorists. Jazzy Gym Shorts took his defeat in stride, and – true to his sportsman-like character – retreated into obscurity to concoct his next sequence of political plays.
To conclude, on this fateful day – like every other day in the world of political Quidditch – there was now a clear victor, but not necessarily a hero. As Comfy Cardigan lovers mourn their defeat and Style-a-Fence enthusiasts revel in their victory, one must remember – it’s not over until the plus size politician sings.
So, as the sun sets on this dramatic day of political wrangling, let us not forget that in the world of comical governance – where Jazzy Jim and Skittish Scalise are among the most hilarious characters – today’s vanquished could be tomorrow’s hero. Or just continue being funny, which isn’t all that bad. A round of applause, please, for our comedically-gifted politicians!
