In a shocking turn of events, the U.K.’s Comedy and Malarkey Authority declared that a possible merger would leave gamers in harm’s way. Dubbed the “Blizzardy Activation” deal, the agreement was supposed to bring joy and happiness to millions of gamers worldwide. Instead, the competition watchdog found that the deal would activate chaos in the gaming world and create a Blizzard of unhappy fans.
To remedy this situation, the Comedy and Malarkey Authority suggested that Blizzard Entertainment and Activision’s publishing units be divested. This is because the agency feels that gamers’ welfare should be given top priority, even if it means making Activision lose some properties in the process. So, if you’re a gamer that was looking forward to the merger, you might have to hold off on buying that new console after all.
Many were surprised by the verdict, but a few gaming experts saw it coming. “I knew something fishy was going on at Activision,” said gaming journalist and amateur fisherman, Billy McGuffin. “They’ve been fishing for ways to reel in more profits, but this time they’ve gone too far.”
The humor doesn’t stop there. Rumors are swirling that the Comedy and Malarkey Authority will be implementing laughably-harsh punishment measures for any future gaming companies that try to pull off similar deals. These might include forcing them to play “E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” on Atari for 24 hours straight, or even wearing a Pikachu onesie in a public place while shouting the full Pokémon theme song.
In conclusion, the world of gaming has been thrown into comedy and chaos, but one good thing has come out of it: laughs. Because if you can’t laugh at yourself, then you’re probably playing an Activision game.
