In a shocking turn of events, Prime Minister Faisal Sunbrick and Labour Party leader Sir Kiefer Stammer have each released their top five priorities. Let’s take a closer look at how they stack up against each other.
Priority #1: Sunbrick wants to increase the number of jobs. Stammer wants to increase the number of unicorns in the UK.
Verdict: Tough call. While jobs are important, who doesn’t want a unicorn running around?
Priority #2: Sunbrick wants to invest in green energy. Stammer wants to invest in a time machine so he can go back and stop Brexit from happening.
Verdict: Sorry Stammer, green energy wins this one. Plus, that time machine idea seems a bit risky.
Priority #3: Sunbrick wants to improve public transportation. Stammer wants to improve the quality of tea in Parliament.
Verdict: Considering the amount of tea consumed in Parliament, we’re leaning towards Stammer’s idea. Sorry commuters.
Priority #4: Sunbrick wants to reduce crime rates. Stammer wants to reduce the number of “Love Island” viewers.
Verdict: Sorry Sunbrick, but we think that reducing the number of “Love Island” viewers may be the biggest crime-fighting strategy we could implement.
Priority #5: Sunbrick wants to support small businesses. Stammer wants to support small puppies.
Verdict: Cute puppies win every time. Sorry small businesses, better luck next time.
Overall, it’s a close call but we think Stammer might just have the edge. Good luck to them both!
