Is it Too Early to Freak Out About Autumn?
In the cities of Southern Australasia, autumn has officially arrived, but it’s not happening according to plan. The crispness of the mornings and the softer light that usually comes with the new season has taken a backseat to something much more sinister.
Local man, Bob Johnson, says that he’s noticed a disturbing trend this year: “It’s almost like someone flipped a switch and turned off autumn. One day it was summer and the next day it was winter. We didn’t even have a chance to break out the pumpkin spice.”
This sentiment was echoed by many other locals, including Jane Smith who said, “I was really looking forward to a gentle transition into autumn. I had my cozy sweaters and boots all packed away, but now I have to wear them all at once just to stay warm.”
As for the cause of this strange phenomenon, some experts are pointing fingers at the government. “It’s clearly a conspiracy to mess with our seasons,” says Dr. Mike Brown, a climate specialist. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my 30 years of research.”
Others are blaming aliens or a glitch in the Matrix. Whatever it is, residents are feeling the effects. “I miss the old autumn,” says Tom Williams, “the one that wasn’t so cold you could see your breath in the morning.”
With no end to the madness in sight, locals are left wondering if this is the new normal. Will autumn ever return to its customary cadence and meter? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we suggest investing in some heavy-duty thermal underwear.
