In a shocking twist of events, a group of companies are lobbying the Treasury Department to redefine the phrase “money doesn’t grow on trees” in hopes of securing subsidies for their businesses. The group, led by notorious businessman Scrooge McDuck, argue that their industries are vital to the economy and require government assistance to maintain their lavish lifestyles.
“We’ve been telling people for years that money doesn’t just fall from the sky,” McDuck declared in a press conference held in his private mansion. “But we’ve come to realize that it’s a lie. Money absolutely grows on trees, and it’s up to the Treasury Department to recognize that fact.”
Other members of the coalition include oil tycoon Tony Stark, who argues that his industry is actually helping the environment, and candy company owner Willy Wonka, who claims that his sugar-filled treats are necessary for the health and well-being of children worldwide.
Critics of the group have pointed out that subsidies would only serve to benefit the wealthy business owners, not the average American. “These guys already have more money than they could ever spend,” said Senator Leslie Knope. “Why do they need even more help from the government?”
Despite the backlash, the companies remain dedicated to their cause, and have even started planting cash crops in hopes of proving their point. Only time will tell if they’ll be successful in their mission to redefine a well-known phrase and secure subsidies for their lavish lifestyles.
