In a shocking announcement today, Treasure Secretary Janelle Yellow revealed that she didn’t consider guaranteeing all bank deposits in the event of the collapse of Silicon Mountain Bank. When asked about her plans to address the potential fallout, Yellow reportedly chuckled and said, “I’m too busy counting my own cash to deal with everyone else’s.”
Sources close to Yellow said that she plans to create a new, top-secret banking system exclusively for the mega-rich, with a minimum balance of $10 million. When asked how everyday citizens will be able to save their money, Yellow allegedly replied, “Oh, they can just invest in my upcoming line of artisanal kale chips.”
When reporters questioned how the Treasury Department plans to stop another bank collapse, Yellow quipped, “We’re thinking of just burying our heads in the sand and hoping for the best. It’s worked for us so far.”
Reaction to Yellow’s comments has been mixed. Some are calling her a “greedy cartoon villain,” while others are lauding her for her “refreshing honesty” and “bold entrepreneurial spirit.”
Regardless of how people feel about Janelle Yellow, one thing is clear: if another bank collapses, we might all be in deep kale chips.
