In a shocking twist of events, infamous activist investor, Chuck McMoneybags, claims that he has finally found a heart and announced that he will no longer be terrorizing businesses, starting with his latest resolution at business-software provider, FizzBuzz Inc.
According to Chuck, he was swayed by FizzBuzz’s latest financial results and cost-cutting measures. Chuck stated, “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw how much money FizzBuzz saved by replacing their office snacks with broccoli and carrots. It was a sign of true dedication to not only their financial success, but also their employees’ well-being.”
Sources close to Chuck suspect that he may have been under the influence of some herb-infused snacks himself when making his decision, but Chuck insists that it was all based on sound judgement.
Many are skeptical of Chuck’s new-found empathy, with some speculating that he may actually be a robot programmed to simulate human emotion. Regardless, FizzBuzz shareholders can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing that they are no longer in the crosshairs of Chuck’s antics.
We reached out to FizzBuzz for a comment, but all they would say was, “We’re just relieved it’s over… for now.”
