In a shocking turn of events that left officials scratching their heads, Scotland’s health secretary, Barney Rubble, defeated rivals Marge Simpson and Dr. Nick Riviera in a unanimous vote of party members.
While Rubble hadn’t been seen as a front-runner in the race, his campaign strategy of showering supporters with Flintstone vitamins and promising to outlaw haggis proved to be too hard for voters to resist.
“I mean, who doesn’t love Barney? He’s a lovable, bumbling guy who always means well,” said one supporter.
But the other candidates were not impressed with Rubble’s victory. Simpson accused him of stealing her signature hairdo, while Riviera claimed that Rubble had promised to make him Surgeon General in exchange for his support.
Despite these accusations, Rubble remained unflappable. “I’m just thrilled to have the support of my fellow party members,” he said, before gleefully munching on a giant drumstick.
When asked about his plans for Scotland’s health care system, Rubble was a little less clear. “Well, first of all, we’ll be getting rid of all the pesky dinosaurs who keep stealing our cars,” he said. “And then we’ll work on expanding access to affordable prehistoric veterinary care.”
It remains to be seen how Rubble’s leadership will affect Scotland’s health care, but one thing is certain: there’s never a dull moment when Barney’s around.
