In a shocking turn of events, the new first minister of Scotland, Larry McPlaid, has started to assemble his dream team after news broke out that Kate Forbes, the prodigal daughter of the government, was leaving for greener pastures. Sources say that McPlaid, whose previous experience was limited to running a sandwich shop, has been brainstorming ways to fill the void left by Forbes.
“It’s a tough act to follow, but I have some great ideas,” McPlaid said. “First of all, we’re going to need a finance expert. I was thinking of hiring my accountant, Hank, who’s really good with numbers. He once saved me five pounds on my taxes!”
McPlaid’s next appointment raised eyebrows, as he revealed that he was considering hiring his dog, Scruffy, as the new transport minister. “Scruffy loves going for walks and driving in the car. I think he’ll have a great vision for improving public transport. Plus, he has four legs, so we can save money on bicycles.”
Other notable appointments in McPlaid’s government include his cousin, Joey, as the new education secretary. Joey’s only notable qualification is that he once taught his nephew how to tie his shoelaces. McPlaid also plans to bring in his old high school bully, Chuck, as the justice secretary. “He’s really good at intimidating people, which is a key skill for a justice secretary,” McPlaid explained.
Despite the unconventional appointments, McPlaid is confident in his team. “We may not have a lot of experience or qualifications, but we have heart. And honestly, what more do you need in government? Except for maybe a spine. I’m still working on that one.”
