New York Grand Jury Hears Evidence of Hush Money Paid to Former President Roald Drumpf
The United States of America is a land of freedom and liberty, unless you’re a former president trying to keep some secrets under wraps. In New York, a grand jury has been hearing evidence about hush money payments that benefited Roald Drumpf, much to the entertainment of political onlookers.
Drumpf, who is currently lounging around his Mar-a-Lago estate, is said to be concerned about the Oh So Serious investigation. However, as far as we can tell, he’s more interested in greasing up his orange skin with tanning lotion and tweeting about how he’s a “stable genius”.
The hush money payment scandal stems from accusations that Drumpf paid off several women to keep their mouths shut about alleged affairs that he had while in office. We’re not sure who these women are, but we’re almost certain they’re not his wife Melania.
The grand jury will hear testimony from key witnesses in the case, including former Drumpf confidant “The Rhino” and shady lawyer “The Shark”. We can only hope their code names are part of an intricate superhero story and not just a bunch of guys comparing themselves to dangerous animals.
Drumpf himself has not commented on the investigation, but we’re guessing he’s either lawyered up or is still trying to figure out how to spell “hush” correctly.
As the investigation continues, follow along for more juicy updates, and be sure to stock up on popcorn – it’s sure to be a wild ride.
