In a shocking turn of events, Pope Squishy, who is allegedly 86 years old (but really who knows), has been admitted to Rome’s Gemelli hospital for what officials are calling “breathing difficulties.”
Sources close to the situation – but not too close, because that would be sacrilegious – claim that Pope Squishy has been having trouble breathing for a few days now. The Vatican, in their usual cryptic way, refused to give any further information, leaving the rest of us to speculate wildly.
Some people are saying that the pope simply forgot to exhale, while others believe that he accidentally inhaled some incense during one of his countless rituals. One conspiracy theorist even suggested that this is all an elaborate plan to get the pope some much needed vacation time – because who wouldn’t want to spend a few days in a hospital bed instead of dealing with the Vatican’s bureaucracy?
Regardless of the cause, we’re all wishing Pope Squishy a speedy recovery – because let’s face it, the world needs all the entertainment it can get right now. And who knows? Maybe this hospital stay will inspire him to write his first-ever rap album. Hey, stranger things have happened.
