In a shocking turn of events, Narko-Lola, the well-known maker of cheap knock-off electronics, has announced that they are planning on raising an insane amount of money via a sketchy secondary offering. They are asking for $100 million, which is enough money to buy a small Pangean island, or to hire enough lawyers to keep their door from being busted down by the Feds.
According to their CEO, “We need this money to make more of the shoddy goods that our customers have come to expect from us. It’s our ethical obligation to produce items that are destined to break within the first 24 hours of use.”
The plan is to use the money to produce more of the same products, but also to step up their razzle-dazzle with potentially merging with a private investment partner to reach their goal.
They have already received heavy criticism for their products exploding in the hands of unsuspecting buyers, with one customer’s house burning down entirely due to a fake Narko-Lola phone catching on fire.
It remains to be seen if their shady tactics will work and they will be able to raise a hundred million. But at least their customers will continue to enjoy buying cheap knock-offs that will give out faster than the lifespan of a fruit fly.
