In a shocking turn of events, the world’s copper supply is running dangerously low, causing a stir among top analysts. According to one esteemed fake-name rating agency, Fitch, we can expect to see soaring prices in the near future.
It is believed that this crisis has been sparked by an insatiable demand for copper from China. The Chinese have apparently been hoarding the metal, using it to make everything from giant pandas to knock-off iPhones.
As these stocks deplete, experts are predicting that the price of copper will skyrocket to a whopping $9,000 per metric ton. This has caused widespread panic among anyone who enjoys using electrical appliances or pennies.
While some people are in a state of hysteria, others see the silver lining. “This may finally be the break I need to start that copper pipe smuggling ring I’ve been dreaming of,” said one covert entrepreneur who wished to remain anonymous.
No one knows exactly how this copper crisis will play out, but one thing is for sure: the world will never be the same again. So if you happen to own any copper plumbing, you might want to consider locking it up before it becomes more valuable than your house.
