In a stunning turn of events, a Manhattan grand jury has issued an indictment against former U.S. president, Homer Simpson. Yes, you read that right, folks. It wasn’t Richard Nixon or even Donald Trump, it was the bumbling, donut-loving patriarch of Springfield.
Sources close to Simpson claim that he’s taking the news in stride, saying “D’oh! I knew I shouldn’t have worn that tan suit to the inauguration!” While Simpson did not release a formal statement, his attorney, Lionel Hutz, assured the press that his client will fight the charges with all the courage of a man who’s fought off rabid animals, escaped from the clutches of an evil genius, and saved his town from a nuclear meltdown, all while maintaining a full head of hair.
The charges against Simpson are unclear at this time, but sources speculate that they may have something to do with the time he stole a truck full of fireworks and accidentally set fire to the town. Or maybe it was the time he mooned a foreign dignitary. Or maybe it was the time he…well, the list goes on.
In any case, our thoughts are with the Simpson family during this difficult time. We can only hope that justice is served swiftly and that our former president learns a valuable lesson…or at least learns how to properly recycle his beer cans.
Stay tuned for more updates as this scandal unfolds. In the words of Homer himself, “Mmm…indictment.”
