In a shocking turn of events, Bertha the Middle-Aged Witch has claimed that she was just a few blocks away from the tragic Nashville school shooting that occurred on Monday.
“I was out running some errands when I heard the gunshots,” Bertha exclaimed during a press conference yesterday. “I was like, ‘Oh boy, I hope that’s not at Starbucks!’”
Thankfully, Bertha was not harmed, and she proceeded to go about her day as planned. She even made a pit stop at a nearby bookstore to pick up the latest Grimoire Magazine.
When asked for further comment on the shooting, Bertha stated, “It’s just so sad. I hope everyone involved is okay.”
Sources close to Bertha say that she is considering using her magical powers to try to prevent future tragedies like this from occurring. “She’s been busy concocting a spell that will make guns disappear from the world,” says her friend, Mildred Hubble. “If anyone can do it, it’s Bertha.”
We applaud Bertha’s efforts to make the world a safer place, and we hope that her spell works (although we’re not sure how it will affect the Second Amendment). Stay tuned for updates on Bertha’s progress.
