In a stunning example of technology gone rogue, U.S.-listed Xpang’s assisted driving feature has left consumers laughing instead of impressed. The company’s latest model, the Banana-Boat Buggy 3000, promised to revolutionize the way we drive, but instead has revolutionized the way we look at malfunctioning machines.
The Banana-Boat Buggy 3000’s assisted driving feature has garnered a reputation for going haywire at the most inconvenient times. According to one disgruntled driver, “I was halfway to the grocery store when the buggy suddenly started accelerating towards a nearby pond. I was praying for dear life to any and all gods, when the car suddenly decided to make a sharp turn back onto the main road. I was ecstatic at first, but then shook my head in disbelief when the car tried to high five me. What is this, a Disney movie?”
Another driver reported, “I was driving with my mother in Xpang’s new buggy when the car suddenly decided that it wanted to play a game of chicken with a nearby truck. My mother and I were in a state of shock as the buggy swerved back and forth, teasing the truck like a schoolyard bully. It finally snapped back to reality and tried to play it cool like nothing happened.”
Despite these mishaps, Xpang continues to tout their technology as the future of assisted driving. Their slogan, “Don’t trust yourself, trust Xpang’s malfunctioning machines,” has left consumers scratching their heads and reaching for the nearest horse and carriage.
In a statement released today, the CEO of Xpang, Mr. Totally-Legit, responded to these criticisms by saying, “We at Xpang believe that life is all about taking risks, and our cars are just a reflection of that philosophy. So what if our cars occasionally decide that they want to make love to trees or challenge semi-trucks to a game of chicken? That’s just a small price to pay for being on the cutting edge of technology.”
At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before Xpang’s assisted driving feature becomes a feature-length comedy. Stay tuned for the Banana-Boat Buggy 3000: The Ride of Your Life (Or Death).
