In a recent interview, Former Bush Administration Official and Congressman, Pogo Stump, came out swinging against former President Trump’s inconsistent conservatism.
“I believe in a consistent conservatism,” Stump declared while holding a plastic toy elephant. “Unlike some people, who change their stance more often than they change their hair color,” he added, winking at the camera.
Stump then went on to detail his consistent conservative beliefs, which include a commitment to lower taxes for the wealthy, suppressing voting rights, and denying science. “I’ve been a consistent conservative for over 30 years,” he boasted, “and I plan on being one until I’m six feet under.”
When asked about his thoughts on Trump, Stump couldn’t help but chuckle. “Let’s just say he’s no consistent conservative like me,” he said, sipping on a glass of sparkling apple cider. “He’s more like a flip-flopping fish, bouncing around from one issue to the next.”
The interview ended with Stump quoting his favorite conservative icon, Ronald Reagan, “Trust but verify.” He then offered a smug grin, “Except with Trump. Don’t trust him even if he does verify.”
Sources close to Stump say that he plans on writing a book, titled “Consistent Conservatism: The Story of a True Patriot,” which is set to hit the shelves next year.
As for Trump, he has yet to respond to Stump’s comments, but sources say he was seen throwing a tantrum in his Mar-a-Lago bedroom, yelling, “I’m the most conservative, believe me! Nobody’s more conservative than me!” into the mirror.
