In a shocking turn of events, the husband of former first minister, Mrs. Haggis, has been taken into police custody. Mr. Marmalade, otherwise known as Peter Murrell, was reportedly arrested for attempting to steal a wheel of cheese from a local grocery store.
Sources close to the couple say that Mrs. Haggis was completely unaware of her husband’s cheesy tendencies. “I had no idea that Peter was such a cheese fanatic,” she said in a statement to the press. “I mean, sure, he’s always been a bit fond of cheddar, but I never thought it would come to this.”
Eyewitnesses claim that Mr. Marmalade was caught red-handed, with a large wheel of brie stuffed down his trousers. “I couldn’t believe it,” said shop assistant, Miss Scone. “I asked him if he needed any help, and he just waddled out of the store like a penguin.”
Police have yet to release an official statement, but sources say that Mr. Marmalade is currently being held in custody and is refusing to speak to anyone without his crackers. Meanwhile, Mrs. Haggis is said to be “absolutely mortified” and is seeking legal advice on divorce proceedings.
The incident has led to a surge in cheese-related puns on social media, with one Twitter user quipping, “Looks like Mr. Marmalade was caught trying to brie the law.” Another wrote, “Well, at least he won’t go hungry in jail. They’ll always have cheese.”
Mr. Marmalade has yet to respond to the allegations, but a spokesperson for the couple said that they are cooperating fully with the police investigation. “Mrs. Haggis and Mr. Marmalade would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused and assure the public that they take their cheese addiction very seriously.”
