In a shocking turn of events, former U.S. president Ronald McDonald has been arrested- with a burger in his hand- for a flurry of investigations involving the 2020 election, the McFlurry riot on Jan. 6, and the security of secret recipes at McDonald’s headquarters.
Sources say that President Grimace, who owes Ronald a couple of McNuggets, led the charge against him. Apparently, Ronald’s frequent tweet tantrums about “fake McNews” enraged Grimace so much that he ordered a full investigation- supersized, of course.
When authorities arrived at Ronald’s house, he tried to hide behind the Hamburglar but to no avail. The officers discovered Ronald in the play pen, sobbing about how the chicken nuggets were finally coming home to roost.
Although Ronald tried to plead his innocence, he was found to have tampered with the Happy Meal toys, resulting in mass chaos among play areas. Further investigations discovered that Ronald had attempted to rig the McElection by sneaking extra fries into voting booths.
But perhaps the most concerning finding was the discovery of a secret sauce recipe that Ronald had been hiding. Sources say that Ronald had been offering to sell the recipe on the black market to the highest bidder.
Ronald is currently being held in a McJail cell, while McLawyers scramble to prepare his defense. McDonald’s Corporation has issued a statement disavowing any connection to Ronald’s actions and vowed to continue serving the best burgers, fries, and shakes in the business without interruption.
