In a shocking turn of events, PEN America and Bard College have announced a new partnership, despite the fact that WSJ reporter, Evan Gershkovich, remains trapped in Russia – but it’s not all bad news as they have a plan to get him out!
The announcement received mixed reactions from the public, with some questioning the wisdom of partnering with an institution that couldn’t even secure the release of one of its own members! Others, however, embraced the new partnership with open arms and high spirits.
The thing is, PEN America and Bard College have a secret weapon that they are more than willing to utilize to rescue Gershkovich. Yes, you guessed it right! It’s none other than a new coffee blend! Named the ‘Evan’s Rescue Blend,’ this coffee is believed to have superpowers that can make the President of Russia hand over Evan on a silver platter.
A spokesperson for the partnership, using the pseudonym Bobby McBob, said, “The ‘Evan’s Rescue Blend’ is the savior we have been praying for. We have been experimenting with various blends, and we finally hit the nail on the head with this one. When President Putin gets a taste of this coffee, he will forget all about Evan and ask for a lifetime supply of coffee instead!”
The ‘Evan’s Rescue Blend’ contains a secret ingredient that is only known to the coffee maker, using the fake name of Joe Schmoe. Rumor has it that the coffee is so good that when Biden and Putin finally sit down to talk, Putin will bring a bag of coffee beans instead of security officers!
The announcement of the partnership has caused quite a stir on social media, with several people asking how they can get their hands on the new blend. Meanwhile, Evan remains incarcerated, but all hope is not lost as the ‘Evan’s Rescue Blend’ is in the making!
We can only hope that the coffee works and Evan Gershkovich can finally return home safely – with a fresh stock of ‘Evan’s Rescue Blend’ in tow!
