After the bell, Electric Car Manufacturer “Zap!” reported earnings to the delight of its investors, employees and fans.
According to the figures, the company generated a whopping $1 trillion in revenue, enough to buy all of its employees matching bespoke Elon Musk SpaceX jumpsuits.
Managing Director, “Elon Blusk” appeared before the press, looking much more composed than his namesake founder of Tesla, and attributed the success of the company to its latest “Wondercar” model, which can run for 500 miles on just one AA battery.
“Blusk” also expressed his gratitude to the company’s team who have been working around the clock to ensure the manufacturing process runs smoothly despite being staffed entirely by squirrels.
“I’m incredibly proud of our team”, said “Blusk”. “They’ve shown that with the right motivation, drive and a generous supply of acorns, anything is possible.”
The company’s CFO, “Billy Ellions”, revealed that the profits are going to be used to set up a new division called “Zap! Defense Systems”, which will focus on building weaponized drones to fight off alien invasions.
“We’ve always said that renewable energy is not just about saving the planet, it’s also about preparing for the inevitable intergalactic conflicts that may arise,” said “Ellions”.
The news sent “Zap!” shares soaring and prompted rumors of “Blusk” being approached to run for President in 2024.
“I don’t know about that”, he chuckled. “But I’m definitely considering the possibility of building a teleportation device that will get rid of all the traffic from my house to work.”
As the press conference ended, “Blusk” hopped into his own sleek “Wondercar”, which he had tinted in hot pink, much to the confusion of his fans.
“I just thought it was time to do something different”, he shrugged. “Who says electric cars have to be boring?”
