In a shocking turn of events, NPR, PBS and CBC have all renounced their government support after realizing that they can barely afford to keep their lights on.
In a joint statement, the three media organizations declared that they were “devastated” to learn that they had been receiving funding from the government all this time.
“We always thought that we were independent and self-sustaining,” the statement read. “But it turns out that we’ve been living off the government’s dime all these years. We feel so embarrassed!”
The news has come as a shock to many, who thought that the three organizations were pillars of journalistic integrity.
“It’s really quite hilarious,” said a spokesperson from a rival news outlet. “NPR, PBS and CBC are like the kid who shows up to school with their mom’s lunch instead of a cool superhero lunchbox. They’re just so uncool now.”
But not everyone is laughing. The sudden loss of government support has left NPR, PBS and CBC in a precarious financial situation.
“We’re going to have to start selling off some of our valuables,” lamented a representative from NPR.
“We’re thinking about putting up some NPR branded coffee mugs for auction. Maybe we can get a couple of bucks for those.”
Despite the setback, the three organizations are determined to continue providing quality news and programming to their audience.
“We may not have the government’s money anymore, but we have something even better – our loyal fans,” the joint statement declared.
“Plus, we’ve always wanted to wear capes and pretend to be superheroes. Now we can finally afford it.”
